I want to die right now. I think im going to die right now because of that English literary criticism/oral defense. :(( My oral defense will be on wednesday or unfortunately, tomorrow. I am not yet ready, please. Sana naman wag full panel sa defense ko. Please :| Sana si Ms. Castillo lang. Sigh.

We had 3 quizzes and 1 longtest today. and I crammed. :| i know cramming isnt good.Ive been cramming since like 1st year? Before kasi hindi ako nag-aaral pero pumamapasa ako. haha. 4 students again had their defense today. Sir Antiquera was there.. 25 down. 15 students to go and 6 students to go before my oral defense. :(( Panic!Panic!! collapse. okay. im still not yet making my speech.

We had our elections for officers during lunch.

I hate people who are too masungit and people who dont take me seriously when Im serious. Ang warfreak talaga nila. I cried. Good thing they didnt notice that i cried. What people dont know about me is that I am too sensitive, sometimes even though im hurt, i pretend to be happy because i dont want people to notice that. I hate it when im trying to be nice to them tapos gagaguhin nila ako. It is so unfair. Its so hard when you keep on pretending and that people cant even comfort you and that they cant see that i am crying. I am vulnerable. I just want them to be more sensitive and start caring about other's feelings. My heart really hurts right now and i cant even breathe. :(
i saw LS. Cute niya talaga. Miss ko na siya :(

The seniors had their last play yesterday.It was really emotional. Pauline,Abby,Maya,Jow,Jussell: im gonna miss you all. I cried a lot. Its really hard letting them go. 1 year isnt enough. i cant believe they're leaving, i cant also imagine sr. jeff not being our moderator. I dont know if i am ready, but ill really miss them :((. I dont want to let them go. I love them. Hindi ko kayo malilimutan. :((

im still working on my powerpoint presentation for my defense. Geez. Im so nervous right now. dont have a speech yet, and im not yet studying for our quizzes/longtest tom. yay :|. And I already got my promdress na. May promdate na ata ako. Pero Im not yet sure. Sayang, sana si Jap pa din promdate ko. :((

Nobody understands how much I miss you, I miss how much we used to talk, & miss all the things we used to do. I try not to admit it to myself that I still feel this way. Nobody knows that I still wake up thinking of you each day. I still think of you & I really do miss you. I would give up everything I have to be everything we`re not.

Im happy and sad at the same time.

Time's running out.We only have a few weeks left. Im gonna miss my teachers. But im not gonna miss the lessons. Those damn effin hard lessons. I know I will not miss Geom or English. But Ill miss social studies, because its my first time to get a high grade in social and my very first time to like world history. I'll miss Chem too. I love Chem and other science related subjects. haha. I will also miss the green batch 07. :((. But i have to let her go. :(( Ill miss that special someone to. I like you since I was in Grade 5. I thought that I should stop liking you by the time I stepped in high school. But no, everytime I see you, it makes me like you more.

Anyway, Sr. Gerald returned our longtests. I was really expecting a passing score. I got a not so good score. I need to focus na. I need to study harder. We also had our last THE class/lesson. It isnt really the last one, but we are going to have our longtest. During Social Studies, I think we had 3 or 4 lessons. aww. anyhow, Oral Defense ko na next week. Full panel. Can i handle it/them? we'll see.

We had our last stage of deliberations a while ago, dismissal time. At first, i thought that they had decided that i'll still be an apprentice, i was the last one who entered/ had the last of the last stage of deliberations. Then sabi nila member na ako. I am so happy!! I cried because im happy. i didnt really expect that ill be a member. I want to jump and run because i am happy!! Yey!! :)

Jap will not be my promdate anymore, because of a family outing. I need to find a new promdate. :(

Ive been using the computer for the last 2 hours and I cant think what am i going to write here.
My body hurts/aches right now. I am so tired. Ive been stressing a lot, We will be having our summer break in less than 2 weeks. Cant wait for summer!! cant wait for prom too.!! yay. i dont know if im excited or what. hehe.

First, we had our CL class and had a new lesson: Anointing of the Sick. The quiz didnt push through, so we are going to have our quiz next week. Damn.We need to cram our Cl presentation because my groupmates dont want to participate. Cmon. Dont you want a high grade? If you want, then participate. They are sooo lazy. We had our Geom after Cl. Twas so boring. Then Music. Practical test/exam. Good thing is that Ill be having my practical test/exam next week. Yey!! 1 week to practice for the practical exam. I need to pass this subject. shiz. I dont want to fail Music. We also had our Chem LT. it was okay.Because I was able to answer everything. I want to get a perfect score. hehe. During English time, again, 4 students had their oral defense. OM. 16 down. 24 to go!! argh. I will be having my defense next week. I am so nervous. I hate making speech and oral defense like this. Sana nalang kasi written exam nalang yung exams namin, hindi ganito.

Delibs was okay? I guess. I really dont know. I cried. nung time na yun, di ko talaga alam, I really wanted to cry.Natatakot ako. Kinakabahan. Basta mixed emotions.I can do this. :)
*****
[edit]

kanina, I was blog hopping, tapos pumunta sa site ng friend ko. Then she wrote stuff about this girl. May 10% feeling ko na ako yun. Oh well, di ko alam, pero mahirap na din magtrust.

So okay, I officially hate this day. First we had our CCQ, i didnt study. actually, i did study, but it wasnt enough because I wasnt able to memorize the important stuffs. Then we had our CL class. Our lesson is about Confession,the flow of discussion was good naman. Then we had our seatwork in Chem. It wasnt that hard. Really. I went to the clinic after recess because i thought that we're going to have a quiz. Haha. Im in the clinic for about an hour. haha. but really, i realized that i am really sick. Then we had our English. Haha. it was okay and of course scary. Sir John and Ms. Dino were there but they didnt ask any questions. Geom was fine, I guess. Second to the last lesson. Yey :| haha.

Okay, then we had our delibs. again. my second time. I think I sucked because i wasnt able to give my best because i feel sick.

I bought Post-it a while ago. Finally Yey. and I bought an intermediate pad paper. haha :))

Okay, I really need to go, because I have to study for our Chem LT.
Im soooo sleepy


***************
Way Back Into Love

I’ve been living with a shadow overhead
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on

I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there
There’s got to be something for my soul somewhere
I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I’m open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I’ll be there for you in the end

Aww. My stress level reaches 100000 na. damn. im so nervous na. i still dont have a powerpoint.damn. i hate it. i cant make a decent blog entry. Actually the reason why may blogs ako kasi i want to improve on my writing skills. I want to be a good writer, and also want to make really good entries, but with the school requirements, it seems impossible. hehe.

4 students had their oral defense a while a go. 8 down? [im not sure]32 students to go. I am really nervous because what if its my turn and i cant answer their questions. waaah. Im so proud of Mica, she got a perfect score in her litcrit, she just presented her powerpoint and ms Lin didnt ask her any questions anymore. She's so lucky. We also had our Last Geom LT. yey. finally, its all over. haha.I hope that I'll pass this LT. Please. I think I deserve it. haha We also had our practical test in PE. Futsal. I was able to play for a few minutes because i wasnt really in the mood to play. So Yana and I had a heart to heart talk. hee. Our team won. GO yellow team. Filipino time was boring. as always. but good thing i didnt fall asleep. haha. I read Mica's book but i wasnt able to finish it. Its so long. Yay. Then Guidance. Still planning my summer, since I will be busy this summer, studying. Geek. haha. I know. But I really need this. I want to get in a good college. I want to study in UP, Ateneo, La Salle, UST,UA&P,UCLA, NYU, anywhere in US or Europe( i need to get a scholarship) I hope I will enjoy my summer.

Im still not studying for our last CCQ in social. I must study.
Princess Hours is <3 style="font-style: italic;"> have come to realize that he's just a guy, a special one maybe, but he's not mine. I don't need to do things to make him love me again. If he wanted to, he would.


Love is the stupidest thing in the world and it doesn't mean a thing to me. Because tell me; what does love really do for you? It makes your heart pound 100 miles a minute, makes you cry yourself to sleep at night, makes you wait by the phone just to see if he'll call, makes you spend money on material things to cover up what's inside so that maybe he'll notice you. Love is full of Maybe's; it's never a sure thing. Love can be lost easily as it is found. Love can turn to hate, jealousy, and greed. Emotions are to be felt, acted upon; to be given and received; love isn't meant for that. It is only said and words mean nothing.

I saw our school's very own Lucas Scott. Hehe. I miss LS terribly. ang sad tuloy tuwing recess. :(
Delibs na tom. Im so scared and nervous.

Kami yung last na nagretreat!! haha. dapat kasi nung October pa retreat namin eh. Haha, Anyhow,the retreat was fun. I love the place and i love the food and everything there. We had our retreat last March 1. twas only 2 days. But its all worth it. Kaya lang, kulang sa time. Dapat lagi nalang may retreat para laging happy. First retreat ko to. I had fun. Ang dami kong natutunan. Sana lang medyo mahaba. Cant wait for next year, this time 3 days naman. Ang memorable nito, sana lang madami pa akong nashare na things. Parang pag nandun ka, "escape" sa stressful world. Bonding time with classmates!! Enjoy talaga. Naiyak din ako sa affirmation part. Natouch ako sa kanila. Aww. hehe. Tapos, ang bait nung mga facilitators especially Ate Mitay and kuya Jojit. Nakakainspire yung story ni ate Mitay.Kahit ang dami niyang challenges sa life niya, nakikita ko na sobrang successful siya, nakayanan niya lahat ng challenges that God has given to her. Ang strong ng faith niya and ang bait pa niya. She's a good role model. and grabe, ang daming countries na niyang napuntahan. Napaka strong niya. And ang sarap ng feeling nung reflection part. Yung time with God. Nafeel ko talaga yung presence niya eh. Kinausap ko siya. Sana may ganyan sa house namin na pwede akong makapagreflect.

After nun, bumalik na kami sa aming Alma Mater. around 2.30 kami nakarating. Pagkabalik ko dun, nafeel ko na naman yung stress. Kasi defense na.

Yeah. Back from Reality ulit. All of a sudden, bumalik lahat ng stress ko. shiz. ang daming requirements. Last Saturday, Nag Ahead ako para magpatutor for the Longtest tom. Hell week na to. Ang daming longtests. Defense week na ngayon. Kahit pang 32nd pa ako, im still nervous. Sobrang ang labo ng paper ko. Im so scared.

aww. this might be the last time that i will be able to see her because we will have a retreat tomorrow. Kanina kasi, hindi ko siya nakita, kasi nakatalikod ako. haha. sayang talaga :( tapos retreat namin. 2 days ko siya di makikita. aww. tapos exams na nila. ill miss her. :( sana nagkakilala tayo, diba? sana atleast naging friends tayo para kilala kita. sana makita pa kita. or kayo. aww :(

im so excited for tomorrow. Retreat na namin!! dapat kasi october pa, pero kasi may bagyo kaya hindi natuloy. ugh. asar. so dapat may pasok kami and makikita ko siya. I like her, not love her, by the way. hehe :)

I wasnt able to submit my litcrit kanina, because feeling ko kailangan ko pa itong iedit. 9 pages palang kasi eh. so ayun. i'll submit it nalang tomorrow. Kanina, we had our mock oral defense in english, eh yung time na yun nakarest yung head ko, so our teacher thought that i was sleeping and she called me. I was able to answer a few questions, pero hindi lahat. Im so nervous na. pang 32nd ako sa magdefense. woah. grabe. stress level goes to 10!! woot. gotta go na.
palanca please:) thanks. <3

We just received our class jacket/hoodie. Its so cool, because we are the first section to have a class hoodie. Also, the reason why we ordered our class hoodies is because our retreat is on thursday!! Yay!! I am so happy!!

Anyway. Tomorrow na yung deadline dun sa lit crit paper namin!! waah. Cram na naman. And we cant submit the paper during dismissal time. Aww. that's why i need to cram this shit. Dapat hindi ako nagblog ngayon di ba? haha. God, please help me.I hate it. Our oral defense will start next Monday, kinakabahan na ako. Sana naman okay lang yung speech stuff ko.Sa totoo lang, nakakatamad na talaga. Eh sino ba gustong madaming homeworks and malapit na yung vacation di ba? grabe. pati Music ayoko na eh.
Last night, nagiPod ako, then i fell asleep, i forgot to turn it off, next day, wala ng battery. San ka pa? haha

Anyway, kaninang umaga, yung class namin yung magsponsor ng morning mass, tapos nakalimutan ko, so buti nalang naalala nila batchrep. Hehe, naabutan nga namin, patapos na pala. Haha. Tapos, nag quiz kami sa Geom. IDK kung easy lang or hindi. kasi sa kin okay lang,nareceive din namin MQRs namin kanina, C-. Kaya ko ito.I forgot to study last night for today's CCQ, then we had our CCQ kanina,i crammed it nalang. i mean yung pagstudy, gumawa naman ako ng notes kagabi. And im so happy that eventhough i didnt study that much, nakakuha pa din ako ng decent na score. Pati din sa Longtest ah. haha.During Chem naman, nagcheck kami ng quiz naman. WTH? what is happening to me? i cant believe na ang baba ng nakuha kong grade dun sa quiz. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. haha. Then, PE, nagfutsal kami. Ka team ko sila Mica. haha. Pero di kami naglaro ni Yana, so next week kami naman ang maglalaro. Ang ganda ng voice niya. Kumanta siya ng Tell me. Super ganda ng voice niya. Tapos Lunch, wala sila Abbie kasi retreat nila. So kami lang nila Maui and Jema. Then Fil naman, twas uber BORING. Nakakatamad magbasa ng El Fili. Chapter 11 palang ako, eh nasa Chapter 20 something na kami dun sa lesson. haha. pano na yan. Tapos, BEC naman, Shine, Jesus, Shine n action song namin haha. Twas fun and boring at the same time

Auditions kanina sa Banaag. nakapag "bully" ako kanina. haha ayun lang. 2 yung nag back out kanina.

Girly Girl is still masungit :0 I dont like her talaga. bwisit siya.